The Wedding Day: Of Daddies, Daughters, and Marriage...

           

            A man shouldn't dread the fact that his daughter is getting married, but I do. I tried to put it off, but the inevitable will happen on Saturday...barring divine intervention. You might say I am being selfish, and you would be right because I am going to miss my little girl so much it hurts.
            I will miss the spontaneity, the endless energy, the smiles, and even the impatience and frustrations. I will miss knowing that my little girl is sound asleep at night in her white four poster bed with a pink quilt on top, just down the hall from her mother and me. I will miss the frantic efforts to get ready for school and work, the times when she is at home relaxing, the impromptu meals, and the late night marathons of studying, but it is inevitable. The time of parting has come, and it looms like a dark cloud.

            I have regrets of things I should have done, didn't do, or messed up on, but my sorrow has nothing to do with those things. My pain is the result of the things that went right in our home, the days and moments when there were no bad decisions, misunderstandings, or hurtful words. Those days when I hugged my little girl, looked in her eyes and heard the words, "I love you daddy." Those days when she was in my arms safe and sound or up on my shoulders as we walked miles, and it was no burden. There were many days I watched my little girl, and I wondered why God blessed me with my own little angel. 
            I remember her second birthday when she waited on the stairs by the front door with her blond curls shining golden in the sunlight waiting for grandparents and aunts and uncles to arrive to surround her with love they couldn't hide. She was so excited to see them, and yet shy about the attention she was receiving. 
            There was a bad time not so long ago when I was away from home for a few days, picking up the pieces of other peoples violence. I came home at 3 am and walked in the door quietly because it was too late for women and children to be awake. I tiptoed to my children's room just to look at them and know that they were there: safe and warm. Hours earlier, I listened to the confessions of savage men who had done unspeakable things, and as I looked on those three, beautiful children I was overcome. I knelt beside the bed and thanked God for his protection and kindness to me and my family, and I heard a little voice whisper, "Daddy." It was my girl. She smiled at me, and I held her hand until she went back to sleep.
            There were struggles at school from a little girl who could not stand to leave her momma, but somehow she learned to make it through the day. But learning it seemed, at least the school book kind, did not come so easy. We held our breath at every test and meandered through grade school until one day in middle school, on her own, my little girl determined to learn the secret of how to excel, and she did! I dare say her brilliance does not originate from natural born intelligence (after all she is my child), but instead, in striving with diligence, in refusing to give up, and in hard work. From these, she has learned to succeed and now determines to teach others her secret that they may succeed as well.

            On this mid-summer afternoon just hours away from her wedding, I can honestly, albeit regretfully say that she is no longer a little girl, she is a woman. A woman with a beauty like unto her mother's; a woman of depth and charm. Though I thought it would never be, my little girl is a woman, setting out for a life of her own. A woman who does not need to be carried on her daddy's shoulders anymore or told what is right and wrong.

            Olivia, my little "Sissy"... I no longer carry you on my shoulders, but I will always, always carry you in my heart, for you are my heart and the best part of me. Go my love, go! Go with God, go with John-Michael, and just as in our time together you've made me a better man, do the same for him, but never forget that you will always be your daddy's little girl...

With love,

Dad

Everything I Need in Law Enforcement I Learned in Sunday School

Law enforcement has always been a thankless job. It has become the most scrutinized occupation in the country. Everyone has an opinion on how police should do their job and anything short of flowers, good manners, and a happy ending is quickly and relentlessly criticized. This leaves little room for error, and every cop knows error can be deadly in more ways than one.

There are many academic requirements for police. Cadets are taught about the Constitution, state laws, local laws, and policy and procedure. When they go on full duty, they are expected to know each revised statue pertaining to everything from bear wrestling and loud mufflers to first degree murder, and yet intelligence is not the only qualification necessary for police. They must also train their fine motor skills to the point where they can direct a high powered projectile from the barrel of a pistol at a distance of 25 yards into the circumference of a garbage can lid. In addition, police go through annual training in defensive tactics, down fighting, baton techniques, and less than lethal force.

But skill and intelligence are not enough. Every law enforcement officer is expected to use their knowledge and skills perfectly in dire situations when they are exhausted, distracted, and fooled into believing that a desperate person that has broken the law is going to be cooperative, polite and reasonable. The result is stress, danger, and constant scrutiny by supervisors, upper management, victims, offenders, the media, the court system, and the general public. It is a thankless job.

Police training is good and necessary. After twenty five years in law enforcement, I have had thousands of hours in training; however, I have found the best training I ever received was what I learned as a child in Sunday School. It is those lessons that have endured and helped me survive. Here are a few:

1.     "There is no good, no not one..." This verse is found in Psalm 14:3 and restated by Paul in Romans 3:11. Contrary to popular culture, this verse says no one is good. Mankind is self-seeking, and we look to our own devices for guidance and comfort. Simply put, this biblical truth relates to original sin and the nature of all human beings. It does not mean people are incapable of doing good things, or that they are as bad as they could possibly be. It means all people in their natural state are incapable of being perfectly righteous or holy. It means our life goal at birth is to please ourselves rather than God. We claim self-ownership rather than submit to the ownership of God. We want contentment and will go to extremes  to get it: drugs, drunkenness, wrongful sex, and even violence. This fact about our human nature is a good thing to know when you have the task of serving and protecting the public. It explains why people break traffic laws, steal, become violent, tell lies, commit sex crimes, murder, and everything else imaginable. This lesson also reminds us about ourselves as law enforcement officers. Knowing the deficiencies of our natural character should caution us when we exercise authority over others.
2.     "God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble." Though there are many aspects of pride, perhaps the most prevalent is an attitude of independence. A proud person insists on doing things his own way. He refuses to be taught, corrected or led. On the other hand, humble people place themselves under the authority of God or more specifically, Christ. Law enforcement officers must remember we are under the authority of local government, the state, the nation, and God.
3.     "Beware he who thinks he stands, lest he fall..." 1 Corinthians 10:12. In Sunday School, I learned I was not always right. This is an important fact for police officers to remember. Our subjective feelings are of little importance. We must only act on objective facts and control our hunches and biases.
4.     "The eyes of The Lord are everywhere beholding the evil and good," Proverbs 15:3. The lesson here is that God knows everything, but we do not. There are times in law enforcement when it appears someone committed a crime, but there is too little or no evidence to prove it. We must do all we can in the pursuit of justice, but we can't do everything. Sometimes we have to leave the mysteries and the unexplained with God and hope there is new information in the future.
5.     "Vengeance is mine saith the Lord, I will repay." This lesson from Hebrews 10:30 is important to remember when those of us in law enforcement experience the deficiencies of the criminal justice system. It often seems criminals get away with crime and no one cares, but we must not have a vigilante attitude. We should never take matters into our own hands because God has clearly told us he holds everyone accountable for their actions, and He is the ultimate judge and avenger.
6.     "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you," is the Golden Rule from Matthew 7:12. All training in human relations and communication comes down to this simple sentence given to us by Jesus two thousand years ago. We should ask ourselves how we want police officers to treat our children, spouses, and parents, and we should treat people we come in contact with the same way.
7.     "Love your neighbor as yourself." This is the second great commandment found in Mark 12:31. Though it is similar to the Golden Rule, it is different in attitude. Whereas the Golden Rule deals with actions, the second great commandment goes further. This Sunday School lesson emphasizes a continual good will toward others as Christ exhibited to people when He was here on earth. Jesus was very good at putting himself in other people’s shoes. He humbled himself and became a man, so he could experience firsthand the pain, temptation, and difficulties you and I experience. This ability to emotionally and mentally place ourselves in another person's life is called empathy, and it is an essential skill for all cops.
8.     "Judge not that you be not judged," is from the Sermon on the Mount in Matthew 7:1. Of all the passages in the New Testament, this one is perhaps the most misunderstood. It is not a prohibition against discretion or evaluating people and situations; instead, the context shows it is a warning against hypocrisy, the kind that condemns others and excuses ourselves. As a cop and a Christian, I must not condemn or despise anyone.
9.     "There is one who speaks rashly like the thrusts of a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing," Proverbs 12:18. The Bible is full of warnings about controlling our tongues. This Sunday School lesson reminds us we all have the capacity for verbal violence, or we can bring emotional and spiritual healing with our words. Provocative words can easily start a fight, but wise words can change people’s perspective.
10.  “So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.” This lesson from 1 Corinthians 10:31 brings us to the bottom line because it reveals our purpose in life. Knowing God created me to please him helps me recognize the difference between right and wrong, and it removes the pressure of imagining there are worldly pursuits that will give me fulfillment. Since my purpose for living is to please God, I strive to do so regardless of my circumstances, and the result is contentment.

These lessons are helpful, but they are not fully effective without the gospel. The gospel of Jesus Christ did not become personal to me until I was 21 years old. The lessons I learned in Sunday School helped me understand the gospel, and understanding is the first step of faith. The second step of faith is to affirm the objective truth of the gospel and our own personal sinfulness. These first two steps are essential, but faith is not complete until it is accomplished through Christ alone in the third step: assimilation. Assimilation is the great exchange. It is trusting Christ to take the punishment for our sin on himself while he gives us his righteousness in return. For us, God exchanged the punishment of sin with the righteousness of Christ, so that when God sees us, he sees Jesus. Here is how the Apostle Paul described it in 2 Corinthians 5:21: “For our sake God made him to be sin who knew no sin, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.”