I will miss the spontaneity, the endless energy, the smiles, and even the impatience and frustrations. I will miss knowing that my little girl is sound asleep at night in her white four poster bed with a pink quilt on top, just down the hall from her mother and me. I will miss the frantic efforts to get ready for school and work, the times when she is at home relaxing, the impromptu meals, and the late night marathons of studying, but it is inevitable. The time of parting has come, and it looms like a dark cloud.
I have regrets of things I should have done, didn't do, or messed up on, but
my sorrow has nothing to do
with those things. My pain is the result of the things that went right in
our home, the days and moments when there were no bad decisions,
misunderstandings, or hurtful words. Those days when I hugged my little girl,
looked in her eyes and heard the words, "I love you
daddy." Those days when she was in my
arms safe and sound or up on my shoulders as we walked miles, and it was no burden. There were many days I watched
my little girl, and I wondered why God blessed me with my own little angel.
I remember her second birthday when she waited on the stairs by the front door with her blond curls shining golden in the sunlight waiting for grandparents and aunts and uncles to arrive to surround her with love they couldn't hide. She was so excited to see them, and yet shy about the attention she was receiving.
There was a bad time not so long ago when I was away from home for a few days, picking up the pieces of other peoples violence. I came home at 3 am and walked in the door quietly because it was too late for women and children to be awake. I tiptoed to my children's room just to look at them and know that they were there: safe and warm. Hours earlier, I listened to the confessions of savage men who had done unspeakable things, and as I looked on those three, beautiful children I was overcome. I knelt beside the bed and thanked God for his protection and kindness to me and my family, and I heard a little voice whisper, "Daddy." It was my girl. She smiled at me, and I held her hand until she went back to sleep.
There were struggles at school from a little girl who could not stand to leave her momma, but somehow she learned to make it through the day. But learning it seemed, at least the school book kind, did not come so easy. We held our breath at every test and meandered through grade school until one day in middle school, on her own, my little girl determined to learn the secret of how to excel, and she did! I dare say her brilliance does not originate from natural born intelligence (after all she is my child), but instead, in striving with diligence, in refusing to give up, and in hard work. From these, she has learned to succeed and now determines to teach others her secret that they may succeed as well.
I remember her second birthday when she waited on the stairs by the front door with her blond curls shining golden in the sunlight waiting for grandparents and aunts and uncles to arrive to surround her with love they couldn't hide. She was so excited to see them, and yet shy about the attention she was receiving.
There was a bad time not so long ago when I was away from home for a few days, picking up the pieces of other peoples violence. I came home at 3 am and walked in the door quietly because it was too late for women and children to be awake. I tiptoed to my children's room just to look at them and know that they were there: safe and warm. Hours earlier, I listened to the confessions of savage men who had done unspeakable things, and as I looked on those three, beautiful children I was overcome. I knelt beside the bed and thanked God for his protection and kindness to me and my family, and I heard a little voice whisper, "Daddy." It was my girl. She smiled at me, and I held her hand until she went back to sleep.
There were struggles at school from a little girl who could not stand to leave her momma, but somehow she learned to make it through the day. But learning it seemed, at least the school book kind, did not come so easy. We held our breath at every test and meandered through grade school until one day in middle school, on her own, my little girl determined to learn the secret of how to excel, and she did! I dare say her brilliance does not originate from natural born intelligence (after all she is my child), but instead, in striving with diligence, in refusing to give up, and in hard work. From these, she has learned to succeed and now determines to teach others her secret that they may succeed as well.
On this mid-summer afternoon just hours away from her wedding,
I can honestly, albeit regretfully say that she is no longer a little
girl, she is a woman. A woman with a beauty like
unto her mother's; a woman of depth and charm. Though I thought it would never
be, my little girl is a woman, setting out for a life of her own. A woman who
does not need to be carried on her daddy's shoulders anymore or told what is
right and wrong.
Olivia, my little
"Sissy"... I no longer carry you on my shoulders, but I will always, always carry you in my heart, for you are my
heart and the best part of me. Go my love, go! Go with God, go with
John-Michael, and just as in our time together you've made me a better man, do
the same for him, but never forget that you will always be your daddy's little
girl...
With
love,
Dad
